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Losing Him

Losing Him

Description : Losing Him

“Mommy, I don’t want to go. Can’t I stay with Daddy?”

I looked down at Jacob, who didn’t understand the concept of death. The news was still too fresh in my mind to be able to talk about it without crying, and I couldn’t let him see me upset, yet again. My child had seen enough of that in his short five years of life.

I kneeled down and brushed a piece of hair that was sticking up. “Buddy, you know we have to go.”

He looked sad. “Can’t we just go to heaven and visit Nana there?”

I could feel the burn forming in my eyes as I attempted once again to choke back the tears. My mother had suffered from cancer and tried all treatments that were offered, but it was too progressive. In a matter of months it had spread into her bones and several organs.

She died at the hospital, all alone, because I couldn’t get Jacob’s father to watch him and drive there in time.

She had no one there to hold her hand and tell her she was going to a better place. She didn’t have a single family member there assuring her that her loved ones would be okay without her.

I hated myself, but more, I hated him. He was never there for me, and I couldn’t blame him. We’d met under false pretenses and I’d pretended to be aplete stranger when I knew more secrets about his family than he did.

Jessie was everything that I’d been looking for. He knew I was in danger and made sure that I was safe. He cared about me like no other man ever had. He became my world.

It just so happened that when he found out the truth about me, his father, and everything I’d done, he made sure that I was removed from his life. Too bad the damage had already been done. I was already carrying his child.

I have to give...